Okay, okay. Christ. Get off my back. I'll do it. In case you didn't know, my inbox has been flooded by my avid readers' requests for me to address how I, the perennial powerhouse, would handle that crazy chinese dude that sliced the head off an innocent bus rider up in Canada. By "flooded," I mean that no one has asked me and I just want yet another opportunity to talk about how great and strong I am. This, I will do.
First off, let's update those who are unfamiliar with the shit that went down in the CAN (Canada). Some crazed chinese due was on a greyhound bus. He was riding next to this younger guy who was listening to his headphones and sleeping on the bus. From what I understand, these two had never met before and had not spoken the entire time they were on the bus. Out of nowhere, this fucking chinese dude pulls out a large butcher knife and starts stabbing the sleeping guy in the neck. He eventually slices his head off...(that's right, he beheaded him). He then proceeded to parade around the bus holding the severed head. Everyone was evacuated and they trapped the crazy dude on the bus.
As you may have noticed, the Canadians were too fucking scared to confront this brutal bitch. This leads me directly into what you all have been waiting for: how a true legend of the gym and master of the lat-pulldown would handle this matter had I been there. I will summarize the following by saying: it would not be pretty.
First, let me ask you something: how soon after my morning quad-blasting would my encounter with the butcher-wielding chink have occurred? Because I will tell you right now, the level of my fury varies in reference to my last workout. Okay, we'll do it like this, I will give you the scenario for (1) immediately after my last hack-squat clinic (get your notepads out ladies, because each fucking rep. is a lesson. Also, if you'll give me your name and address, I will send you and invoice for my services. Don't fuck with me, I'm really strong--I thought we covered this). Alas, I digress. (2) 1 hour after my last ham-hock blasting and (3) 1 day after upright rowing have the weight of the Milky Way Galaxy (it weighs at least 200kg--that's right, metric BITCH!).
1. The Aftermath:
So let me ask you a couple of questions before I begin describing the methodical way in which I would dismantle a crazy, butcher knife-weilding slant devil. For starters, have you ever witnessed an avalanche screaming down the side of a mountain at 400 mph? Have you ever witnessed the great white sharks of South Africa attacking a weak, useless seal from below, blasting through the surface and soaring into the sky 20 feet? Please, take a moment and visualize the fury of nature. I'll wait... Okay. This is a good start because it gives you about an idea of about .00000000001% of my strength. Needless to say, I'm a big fuckin' dude. Okay, turning back to the crazy chinese guy. So let's say he sees me stand up from my seat and immediately comes at me with a downward chop. FWOMP!!! He swings and immediately his wielding arm is blown off by my snapkick to his armpit. He's reeling from the pain and shock of having his limb blasted off, but he's not finished. Oh no, he's only just begun. Or so he thinks. What he doesn't know is that I once punched a dude so hard in the face, his skin turned from normal flesh to black and blue! Ha. Christ is he in trouble. Realizing his arm has been blown off and the knife is still in his severed hand, he reaches down and attempts to pick up the weapon to launch yet another campaign. And that's when it happens. I pants the bastard whilst he is bending down to pick up his knife. He's stunned. I then proceed to grab his gents and pull them back to give him the meat-tuck of the century. No, fuck it, OF THE MILLENIUM! He has no choice but to give in. This, he does. After a bit, I decide to let him go. I say "alright buddy, get home before I think of more fucked up ways to hurt you." He walks out of the bus, but before he can take one step, I'm on him with my '01 Accord. That's right, I hit him with my fucking car. Naturally, I killed him.
2 and 3. If you were stupid enough to begin imagining how my domination of the chinese guy would differ with 1 hour and 1 day respectively after a rockin' set of hack-squats, you are the dumbest piece of shit ever. Everyone knows I don't go more than 10 minutes without doing squats. That's why I drag the Smith machine behind me. See? You faggot.
First off, let's update those who are unfamiliar with the shit that went down in the CAN (Canada). Some crazed chinese due was on a greyhound bus. He was riding next to this younger guy who was listening to his headphones and sleeping on the bus. From what I understand, these two had never met before and had not spoken the entire time they were on the bus. Out of nowhere, this fucking chinese dude pulls out a large butcher knife and starts stabbing the sleeping guy in the neck. He eventually slices his head off...(that's right, he beheaded him). He then proceeded to parade around the bus holding the severed head. Everyone was evacuated and they trapped the crazy dude on the bus.
As you may have noticed, the Canadians were too fucking scared to confront this brutal bitch. This leads me directly into what you all have been waiting for: how a true legend of the gym and master of the lat-pulldown would handle this matter had I been there. I will summarize the following by saying: it would not be pretty.
First, let me ask you something: how soon after my morning quad-blasting would my encounter with the butcher-wielding chink have occurred? Because I will tell you right now, the level of my fury varies in reference to my last workout. Okay, we'll do it like this, I will give you the scenario for (1) immediately after my last hack-squat clinic (get your notepads out ladies, because each fucking rep. is a lesson. Also, if you'll give me your name and address, I will send you and invoice for my services. Don't fuck with me, I'm really strong--I thought we covered this). Alas, I digress. (2) 1 hour after my last ham-hock blasting and (3) 1 day after upright rowing have the weight of the Milky Way Galaxy (it weighs at least 200kg--that's right, metric BITCH!).
1. The Aftermath:
So let me ask you a couple of questions before I begin describing the methodical way in which I would dismantle a crazy, butcher knife-weilding slant devil. For starters, have you ever witnessed an avalanche screaming down the side of a mountain at 400 mph? Have you ever witnessed the great white sharks of South Africa attacking a weak, useless seal from below, blasting through the surface and soaring into the sky 20 feet? Please, take a moment and visualize the fury of nature. I'll wait... Okay. This is a good start because it gives you about an idea of about .00000000001% of my strength. Needless to say, I'm a big fuckin' dude. Okay, turning back to the crazy chinese guy. So let's say he sees me stand up from my seat and immediately comes at me with a downward chop. FWOMP!!! He swings and immediately his wielding arm is blown off by my snapkick to his armpit. He's reeling from the pain and shock of having his limb blasted off, but he's not finished. Oh no, he's only just begun. Or so he thinks. What he doesn't know is that I once punched a dude so hard in the face, his skin turned from normal flesh to black and blue! Ha. Christ is he in trouble. Realizing his arm has been blown off and the knife is still in his severed hand, he reaches down and attempts to pick up the weapon to launch yet another campaign. And that's when it happens. I pants the bastard whilst he is bending down to pick up his knife. He's stunned. I then proceed to grab his gents and pull them back to give him the meat-tuck of the century. No, fuck it, OF THE MILLENIUM! He has no choice but to give in. This, he does. After a bit, I decide to let him go. I say "alright buddy, get home before I think of more fucked up ways to hurt you." He walks out of the bus, but before he can take one step, I'm on him with my '01 Accord. That's right, I hit him with my fucking car. Naturally, I killed him.
2 and 3. If you were stupid enough to begin imagining how my domination of the chinese guy would differ with 1 hour and 1 day respectively after a rockin' set of hack-squats, you are the dumbest piece of shit ever. Everyone knows I don't go more than 10 minutes without doing squats. That's why I drag the Smith machine behind me. See? You faggot.
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